After the wedding, many couples will sense a decline, and they’re beginning to get bored, says Rachel A. Sussman, L.C.S.W., author of The Breakup Bible. “The excitement of dating has passed, the excitement of falling in love has passed, the excitement of the marriage and the wedding has passed, and then it has stalled,” she says.
Here’s what it means if your relationship is going to be dull — and how to get out of the way without breaking up.
Step 1: Stop Worrying
If the two of you have been together for a while, getting bored at some stage is pretty unavoidable. We get tired of the same routine in every area of our lives — jobs, exercise habits — and that goes for our relationships, too.
So, what are you doing?
Well, you could split up and switch from relationship to relationship, still end it when you get bored. Or, if you trust your partner and want it to succeed, move on to the next two stages.
Step 2: Figure Out the Root Cause
Next, decide if it’s just boredom or something more extraordinary. Although feeling uninspired in a relationship can be a widespread problem, it may also point to the underlying issues. Sussman suggests asking yourself the following questions to determine the damage:
- Are you still having sex with them?
- Are you wondering if you’re attracted to this guy or not?
- Are you on the same page when it comes to family and friendship?
- Are you arguing about finances or work/life balance?
- Are you curious if you have something in common?
- Do you worry like you’re growing apart?
If the answer is yes to all of these, then you have more than a case of boredom. If you’re feeling a little restless, ask yourself if you’re feeling lost in other parts of your life.
“You’ve got to have harmony. Relationships can’t be all of yours,” Sussman says.
If you feel good in other aspects of your life, it’s time to have an honest talk with your partner about what you can do to spice things up.
Step 3: Make a Plan
Now, the fun part of it. Sussman says that she and her husband have overcome their relationship with boredom by arranging a holiday together.
“We’ve not only arranged a trip to Italy, but we’ve also agreed to take Italian lessons for the next six months,” she says. “We learned together, we challenged each other, we cooked Italian food on the weekends,” she says. “So, by the time we went on our tour, it was so improved because of that.”
Try to figure out what part of your relationship is boring to you. Is it the lulls in the conversation? If so, hit a museum or read a book together to get things moving. Has your sex life become a regular thing? Then change things with the bare Sundays.